The world of blogging is new to me, even if my first reason of blogging is expressing my prison of emotions toward an event that I was expecting sub consciously. I was looking for an advice on people on what I should do next for a situation I couldn't handle on my own... but in reality, I just wanted to release my thoughts toward my fears, hopes, desires and depression. Seeking for an advice was just an excuse I had because I couldn't accept that I need them. [Pride]
Social networking is a world of uncommitted words, being trapped in a undesirable situation is as easy as going out of unlocked door. Words spoken, judgment settled in what was is anything but a shallow excuses that helped me move forward a little but didn't gave me a reason to move on. that's when I turned to blogging, or in my case. Short story writings.
I may be condemning myself on the eyes of my friends who pushed me advices on my problems, but in reality of spoken words on written choices, the truth is I found a world of expressions in blogging. My fear of commitments toward changing is a vision I couldn't see through advices I couldn't bare but still followed.
I made mistakes during that time, craving for attention and admiration is somewhat shallow but natural for any person who has been broken down. It's a prayer I make that I didn't hurt anyone during my walk of shame. If i did, I apologize with all my heart.
I was checking several blogs because most of my review define me "unique", It sounds perfectly synonymous to how I want it to be, but being unique is also relating to creative responsibilities which lead me to reviewing other people works. Most of them dictates their words from their everyday lives, direct approach is their means of communicating with readers. Some who put journalism practice to work investigates and research most of their materials before publishing them... while me? Is just a minority of reality expressed with my imaginations and ironic choices of words... that puts me in a spot of questioning my motives on why to continue blogging, Or even if I'm qualified to be called a blogger.
Don't get me wrong, from time to time I find myself feeling the pain of depression, which is also natural. But I cannot stock myself in a box of words while minute per minute waiting... anticipating that someone would visit my Blog and leave an email of thoughts or a comment of criticism... Blogging helped me so much to give me strength to stand up again... but I cannot depend on it to push me forward to move back in my life. It is not healthy both physically and emotionally. I need to get back on my life... or at least... find a new one.
In the empty tabs where you can find most of my reviews, arguments on myself, my short stories and poems, my hobby of cooking my practical criticism to the world and other tabs I put on, are supposed to be a navigation control for you readers, but those were and are my inspirations that defines my reasons for moving on. So please bare with me while I kept it empty for now, until I get back on my track, and have my vision back in my thoughts... I may be posting something I just scribbled on just to pissed you off... which I find... entertaining :) [ childish game]
This where I'll end my letters for my readers. APIR!
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