Convergy Is Out To Get You

    Everyone knows who they are...


   Everyone knows what they do...



   The Biggest Call Center Agent Is out again to get us...


   They just knocked another accounts... and not just accounts.. the Biggest Accounts ever touched in the industry of call center, And they couldn't handle it on there recent number of employees, and they are in a look out for:


GAMING CONSOLE EXPERT <-------- im applying for this one. GOOO!! Im going for this!

Online Payment Specialist
Fashion and Customer Care Specialists
Health Care Specialists
Team Leader
Operations Manager
Other Non-Agent Position <-------have no idea what this is.... hahaha



   This event started already, last August 13, 2010 and will last up to September 11, 2010,

sorry for the late noticed guys!

NOTE:

 Every candidates are qualified to win 16GB IPAD!!   <--DETAILS <<< CLICK THAT not this

uhmnn what else... im just reading this today so... visit their site! CONVERGYS

CONVERGYS

THANKS!! I'll Post any new information i can gather!!

Oh yeah... :^.^:   dont forget to write my site on the referral Sheet!! THANKS for supporting me

www.windensky.blogspot.com

- SKY

unspoken persona: a hatred

 by Sky


He shelled me deep inside of myself
prisoner of his depressions that left us dead.
He neglected me out of frustration
while I watch secretly of his devotions

His pride left him tearless
While I wound deeply bleeding in silenced
I've learned his insanity
while  patiently observing...

that's when I whispered him the meaning
that apathy have seen him.

He caged me with my sickness

as i bladed my skin to remember what's hatred...

I was accompanied by a clown called boredom
and I am his disciple of freedom

I shown him emotions that we both can't bare
and I watch and laugh while he confusedly stare




what am I to him,




even if I'm a part of his.








but chained inside his thoughts...i decided.











I am... but nothing...

Poetry: Tag Game

Tag Game

by Sky

I remember the hatred...

a smile that kills me deep inside

those eyes that judges every single details i have...

i remember that feeling

I  peed on those emotions!

Like a dying dog bleeding in their nose i pledged

Let!   them!  burn!    in!    hell!

let them fall pieces by pieces!!

let their skin remember the burning oil!

let them breath the fuming despair of what they are!

I hated them.

I despise them.

I want them ...

dead.

slaughtered,,, 

shattered,,, 

 

broken.

as broken as the ashes they left me

as broken as the pieces of who I was!

I will break them.

this is a game of tag.

and they are the players...

and I'm their freaking mud!

Chapter 1: Love and Fears

  The window disguised in an old bamboo house, is a squared hole where I stare at the moon while patiently waiting for my girl to come home from her school. She often walks in paved road always walking away from the soil of our province, I would dress up just to have a strength to see her, working in a farm on my young age burned my skin and soiled my foot, but despite of it all... she loved me with all of her heart.

  The anticipation of seeing her bag across the tall grasses of our lot, Is like a Christmas day from a child. She is always someone new to me, even though she always stays the same on our years of friendship.

  I secretly smell her hair praying she wouldn't noticed... I trembled in fear knowing she will stay away from me once she find out... getting slapped or kicked or punched is a minor problem for me if it will came from her... but knowing I could loose her... or knowing I will loose her because of my pity games of wanting to be closer... Is a death bed of torn in my thoughts.

  She would smile back at me and ask me what my dream will be, We are not old, but we are not young either, In the age of 14, I know I just want to stay by her side.

  But everyday... I would wait for her in anticipation, not just to see her,,, or to smell again her lovely hair... but for her to walk along the unpaved road....

"Hey cmon! get out of here we need to go to school now!!"

  I would purposely make her wait... wishing she would just take a foot away from the road she has been walking in and move forward to mine... but she patiently wait there, holding her backpack and her pink umbrella above her head.

 "come closer, the suns too high it will burn your skin more"

  She would often say to me followed again with her lovely giggle. While I always stay away from her pink umbrella and just poised my walk as man, proud and loud to be under the sun. with my chest all out and stomach all in, I move forward on her side... I was trying to be funny, I love to see her laugh, at least that smile and giggles...

those were only mine. 

  My fears... my worries... everything about how I felt around being with her were never shown, not a cloud in the sky, not a tear in my eye... nothing. I put on a small jokes a little laughter and a plan on a side when I'm with her, showing her that I can be better, that I will be better. Thats there's more to me that who I am now.

but not all plans receives good results in the end.

  It was summer of march, the ending of our high school year, everyone was happy and eager to see their family for vacations, while few of us are planning and dreaming to take the city entrance exam for college. I was planning to take Business Administration while she was taking accountancy, I said to myself.. I studied harder than most of my friends,,, I can get in the school wherever she may want to take it.

  I was holding a sea shell ring I brought from a friend, It was her favorite color of white and pink that she adore so much while I was wearing a leather brown I made from an old belt I was using in my school. My voice was a bit dried from running all over our little barrio, trying to spot an old pink hello kitty umbrella on the fiesta crowd. 

"who you looking for?"

  I saw her uncle with a terrifying face locked into mine... I stood in fear knowing he dislike me and my friends... I quietly shook my head and said "no one sir..."

  It was almost night time and still I couldn't find her. I decided to walk back home...

tick tack...

tick tack...

tick tack...

as i move away from the fiesta crowd... The songs and the dancing people are slowly a fading sound.... I can hear the insects talking again in the grass and my wristwatch telling me...

time is running out....

I stopped and stare at the mountain trail, and watched the light dance around our field of rice and corns, the sun is about to sleep and moon is starting to wake up... again,,, the uneasy feeling. I suddenly remember her uncle's eyes... staring at me... for some reason there's a different fear I'm feeling today. 

I locked my hand on the sea shell ring I have for her... imagining it was her hands im holding on...

"..."

"..."

I want to say something.... but I couldn't,



I'm lost in words...



I'm lost in thoughts...







"hey..."

   I saw her smiling at me, while she play around bare footed on the soil ground, lightly kicking the dry grounds... 

My mind was shut.

my heart started to thumbed.

my hands felt numb...

my foot was stocked.

   She moved forward.. towards me.. a smile and a little grin in her face... she was teasing me again I guess.. I always look dumb when I stare blankly on things she often criticized... I asked my body to move... my hand hiding under my backpack... I wanted to give her the ring but I couldn't....

For years I waited for her to move away from the paved ground....

For years I waited for her to walk along mine...

For years I chased her... and followed the path she wanted to move forward too...

For years.... and now... she stood on the yard I always stood at waiting for her.

but....

Why am I not happy?



...

"Hey! Congratulation!!  At last were..."

Before she could finish... My body moved without thinking... 

what are you doing!?

My eyes are closed...

My hands on her face...

my lips....

locked to hers....

I  slowly moved my face away from hers...

I moved slowly... 

while I felt her arms...

her hands....

her fingers...

I was ready to let her go...

she opened her mouth and wanted to say something...

again.




I was ready for her to be mad.

I was ready for her to say her goodbyes for what I did...

I was ready.

But I don't want it.

I grabbed her arms and pull her to me...

I was waiting for her to resist..



but she confusedly stare at me...



I want her,,,

I want you...

I want you closer...

I want you to be for me...

I wanted to say something..

but I fear she will respond back...




I'm fearing her voice...


I'm fearing her thoughts...


but most of all...

I'm fearing her to say goodbye.

I stare at her eyes...


her eyes locked to mine...



I slowly held her arms...



held her against the tree...



part of me wants her to stop me...

but a greater part of me..



wanted her.



I kissed her again...

and i felt her lips kissed back to mine.

I felt her hands lightly held mine...

I can feel her now...

for the first time...

I'am as near as I can be with her...

Her body pressing to mine,,,

my grasp responds patiently to hers...

slowlly...

part by part,,,



she was mine.

My Short Story Page
Chapter 2: A Promise

Im not young but I'm new and i'm lost

  The world of blogging is new to me, even if my first reason of blogging is expressing my prison of emotions toward an event that I was expecting sub consciously. I was looking for an advice on people on what I should do next for a situation I couldn't handle on my own... but in reality, I just wanted to release my thoughts toward my fears, hopes, desires and depression. Seeking for an advice was just an excuse I had because I couldn't accept that I need them. [Pride]

   Social networking is a world of uncommitted words, being trapped in a undesirable situation is as easy as going out of unlocked door. Words spoken, judgment settled in what was is anything but a shallow excuses that helped me move forward a little but didn't gave me a reason to move on. that's when I turned to blogging, or in my case. Short story writings.

   I may be condemning myself on the eyes of my friends who pushed me advices on my problems, but in reality of spoken words on written choices, the truth is I found a world of expressions in blogging. My fear of commitments toward changing is a vision I couldn't see through advices I couldn't bare but still followed.

   I made mistakes during that time, craving for attention and admiration is somewhat shallow but natural for any person who has been broken down. It's a prayer I make that I didn't hurt anyone during my walk of shame. If i did, I apologize with all my heart.

  I was checking several blogs because most of my review define me "unique", It sounds perfectly synonymous to how I want it to be, but being unique is also relating to  creative responsibilities which lead me to reviewing other people works.  Most of them dictates their words from their everyday lives, direct approach is their means of communicating with readers. Some who put journalism practice to work investigates and research most of their materials before publishing them... while me? Is just a minority of reality expressed with my imaginations and ironic choices of words... that puts me in a spot of questioning my motives on why to continue blogging, Or even if I'm qualified to be called a blogger.

  Don't get me wrong, from time to time I find myself feeling the pain of depression, which is also natural. But I cannot stock myself in a box of words while minute per minute waiting... anticipating that someone would visit my Blog and leave an email of thoughts or a comment of criticism... Blogging helped me so much to give me strength to stand up again... but I cannot depend on it to push me forward to move back in my life. It is not healthy  both physically and emotionally. I need to get back on my life... or at least... find a new one.

  In the empty tabs where you can find most of my reviews, arguments on myself, my short stories and poems, my hobby of cooking my practical criticism to the world and other tabs I put on, are supposed to be a navigation control for you readers, but those were and are my inspirations that defines my reasons for moving on. So please bare with me while I kept it empty for now, until I get back on my track, and have my vision back in my thoughts... I may be posting something I just scribbled on just to pissed you off... which I find... entertaining :)  [ childish game]

 This where I'll end my letters for my readers. APIR!

My Sassy Girl

know what fate is? Building a bridge of chance for someone you love...

--from an old man under the tree                            

a love denied because of fears..

 A love linked by a promised...

 and a love connected by destiny.

credits: for the original owners and you tubers!! this isn't mine!

  (.-.-.)

credits: for the original owners and you tubers!! this isn't mine!

(.-.-.) (.-.-.) (.-.-.)

hmmm...  (.-.-.)

 

inggit ako...  (.-.-.)

 I know everyone already knows the story...

Just a little reminiscing...

just giving a little hope for us who is still single  ^.^

One of the best Korean romance!!

 Things to Know:
   The title literally means Bizarre Girl (reminds me of someone on my FB list... hahaha weirda!)
   this movie was released as a korean romantic comedy by  Kwak Jae-yong,2001, based on a series of
   love  letters written by Kim Ho-sik, 
   funny thing about this movie... the girl character was never given a name.... ^.^ 

source: My Sassy Girl - Wiki!! 

Sad Moments....

credits: for the original owners and you tubers!! this isn't mine!

Destiny... 

"you may not believe it, by I think I met a man from the future...

from your future...."

---A woman with no name                                  

                            

credits: for the original owners and you tubers!! this isn't mine!

 Funny Moments!!

credits: for the original owners and you tubers!! this isn't mine!

  


credits: for the original owners and you tubers!! this isn't mine!

source: My Sassy Girl - Wiki!! 
My Sassy Girl - You Tube!!

Weird things called plants

I was scanning our Sony Cybershot T700 when i saw old files of my mom taking photos of her plants..

creepy little shoots... ^ ^ still soOoOOO o.0 cute! hahahahah well.. its not really that creepy hahaha! it's really cute!

which apartment sire??

AVATARRRR

 

hmnnnn.... cant think of anything... ^^

 

Pimple Plants (hahahahaha!! o.0 )

 

Why did you bit off the corner of my Ruler!!!?

HAHAHAHAHA lot of crazy shoots in the world if your as s2pid like me... ^^ APIR!!

My Morning Wake Up Call

my boost busters! my energy pills!! yihaaa!!! cmon!! cmon!! cmon!!

nothing to say... im just here banging my head while listening to disturbed! yihaaaaaaaaaaa!!! CMONN!!!

Profiling: Rhea Buenavista

What her site contents.. ^^ well its her daily lives update from being a professional to being a mother. ^^ I know Rhea since H.S. days and from what I remember, she really strive to be on the top of the class, studious and very much aggressive in anything goes in the academic life. She is the wife of one of my oldest friend back in preschool years.  

Yo George! SUP!? just a little shout out. ^^

Interesting things about her blogs is she really communicate with her readers... always up to date and you can reach her either from her blog site or facebook and flickers... oh wow you never change. Always the hardcore ms. responsible.  Maybe my readers would be able to seek for advices from an experienced mom. ^^ heres a thing about me... im a big Duh of a dude when it comes to girly stuff... so.. my advice. seek her, and pissed her off with your questions..  ^^ just playing. hehe

Lara Alexis Buenavista 

- Rhea's Daughter.. oww soo cute! Pahug!

Rhea With Her Family... :)

George! ...Kalbo?! hehe

R H E A   B L O G S P O T

Click Me For Her Site

A blind man with a gun

  I may talk conviction to modern society and the breed of undignified pawns for the failure of our third world country to sustain our own heritage and respect our own lifestyle, but to see a man being tortured by his own national brother was sickening. Criminals or not, those on the position to implement the law in any democratic society should respect the law. All men should be safe in the hands of a police officer, be as it may if a police need to protect themselves from the criminals involved, aren't they trained to use control against such acts? but the video that was displayed in the news was disturbing, apparently a man that was accused of criminal offense was snaked down the ground with his private part was tied while another man was pulling it for torture.
  While almost a year ago a political motivated killings was done in Maguindanao  province, 47 people were executed for a simple reason of political agendas.
  I'm not a journalist, im just a simple blogger who wanted to write, but for a man's point of view, for any human who has the perception of a man rather than an animal... how could have this happen?, Actions are motivated by the decision of a man, to go blindly against the societies interest of equality and harmonious lifestyle is beyond acceptable. The law states what shouldn't be done to keep society in order, but who dictates it are the blind people who smells right from wrong, is it justice to kill or torture a person who committed unlawful act? suppressed emotions of victims are a sad sight for any observer, knowing that the best thing a victim's family can do is wait until the justice system prevails?

Be strong!
Believe in our system!
Be patient, were doing everything we can.

those were the words I often here from people who accepted the responsibility of accepting the flows of society and correcting it.... but how? how can we trust a system with bunch of loop holes are the den of manipulative dictators that take advantage of the flows of the system itself?

A knowledge of the bad side of society is a dangerous and self impairment of a man. Are there good and bad officer? or are there only bad and worse officer? Don't they understand the meaning of a uniform? an action done reflects to every single person who wears the same uniform... isn'' t it a basic knowledge?

what hope do we have?

Only the minority of our population are capable of understanding the justice system and, only a handful of them are capable of doing something right about it, while the majority sits still and wait until we tripped and be eaten alive by them...

Where are we going now?

 A thousand Applaud or APIR! for the person who sent the video of the criminal act to the media.

Ipod Nano or Ipod Touch

   I was browsing the net for interesting items for the buy and sell when I saw iPod touch. I'm not really a music addict or am I into small screen games... but I have been addicting to this game called "plants vs zombies" which was installed in my laptop.

  Heres a thing, for us normal guys who can only afford to buy things 12,000.00 pesos for every 2 to 3 months time, we seriously taking into consideration on the features and what it can get us. first stop. lets take a peek at what are the specs of the touch and the nano. Here's How apple Categorized its feature, Ipod touch is a 3 in 1 unit, first as an Ipod, which are the basic music collection, and playlist, and for an updated version music videos. but apple isn't satisfied that you can install up to 14,000 songs. They put this "genius mixes and genius playlist" basically it just shuffle your collection and selects music base on the genre you want, sounds fun? yeah.. for us lazy dudes. Second feature Pocket Computer. Ok Im an Autocad operator for a company here in makati, doing freelancing design and stuff, writing blogs, sketching, writing stories... the desktop keyboard is like a third hand for me with a multiple fingers, and if, I buy this Ipod touch, this gonna be an extension for my thumb compare to the desktop computer I have back home, which is... awesome! It may not be as competitive as a netbook or mini laptops that fits in a large pocketed jeans? but this is really cool considering that if you turn it on its side you have this mini keyboard, reminds me of an old nokia phone before the touch screens appeared, and yeah... it has a wireless features too, connectivity via net is pretty easy. go to starbucks to check your facebook.    Third feature is the simplest... The game pad! this is basically the reason why would I go for it, I'm not a game addict but Iám addicted to "plants vs Zombies". the features for the 32 and 64 gig has a OpenGL ES version 2.0, which i have no idea what it meant but I did saw apple wrote "superior graphics" and for me? no use playing a game where you cant figure out which is which... just play old school tetris if your into that kind of gaming experience. I'm giving Ipod Touch a high five! in our slang, APIR!!

Ipod touch Cost - Im not selling!!- I got this from apple site ( August 18, 2010 )

8GB  - PHp11,490.00

32GB - PHp17,490.00

64GB - PHp23,490.00 

IPod Touch

  Ok, lets see what nano does for this arguement.

......

not really much to tell on this, its the basic Ipod. plus video recording. what caught my attention was the Pedometer, If you are a fan of sony ericson phone which I'am, its basically a walk mate application too, what it does is it counts how many steps you make, that's it, and if you walk when going to office of running for the benefits, this help you track down your counts. awesome!

what would make me buy this? Even thou Ipod Touch is a variation of features from gaming to social networking, the simplest reason for buying an Ipod for me is for the music collection, I already have 1 desktop computer plug in, another 1 for assembling, and a laptop. Gaming and social networking are for busy guys who is bored in meeting or for couch potato who doesnt want to move from their spot. I would buy the Ipod Touch afterwards, It makes more sense to buy the Nano with the lifestyle I have.

Ipod Nano Cost - Im not selling!!- I got this from apple site ( August 18, 2010 )

8GB  - PHp8,790.00

16GB - PHp10,490.00

Ipon Nano

be sure to check the apple website for the price list change, there are  free laser engraving for online buyers to personalize your IPod.

Facebook Buddy Poke Rocks!!

Uhh... MY FRIENDS AND i LOVE THE BUDDY POKE!! been messing around in peoples walls just for the kick of it! hahaha!

Do visit my Blogspot!

http://www.windensky.blogspot.com/!!!

^^Mabuhay! ^^


in reference to: Facebook (view on Google Sidewiki)

Chapter 4: The Break Up

"thanks... whoever you are"

the last words I heard before she cried... I wanted to speak but I couldn't. I understand her pain... and I wanted to comfort her,,, but deep inside of me are just excuses I have for myself not to feel whatever I have in me. We never talked, we broke up over the phone,,, there were no closure to our 4 year relationship, just an empty waiting, and stagnant growing pain from moving forward...

"hi... it's me...

I stuttered as I push my lips to say something... I was starring at the leaves as the rain slowly fading away.... its almost 5 in the morning and I can hear the honky sound of the vendor selling puto and kuntyinta...

"bossing! you want? you want?"

i slowly smiled at him and just signed him no... not today.. It taste bitter... the cold coffee i have been holding since she called. I never realized how bitter it is till now... I grew silence waiting for my lips to say something.. when i heard her voice...

"it was not easy for me... and i know its not easy for you to... but this is where we ends..."

i wanted to cry, the pain of her saying that is like a jagged knife..

"I love you despite of the pain, despite of the reality of being hurt and the insanity of us not being together... Ive learned to love you near me.. I learned to love you in a distance... despite of our fights, despite of my insecurities and your demands... I have loved every pieces of us...

"I have loved you more than I have loved anyone... I have feared our future more than the pain I have...

theres no easy way of letting ourselves go knowing the relationship isn't there anymore... but the pain of knowing we gaved everything but theres no more "us"on our love...

I'm not wishing for your happiness... cause Im not sure Im ready to see that. Im selfishly inlove with you,,, even when you already learned to let me go.... Im not wishing for your relationship to move... knowing your already chosen to be with someone else... I despise your words... I hated your promses. I cursed you let me hold on, when you already held on to someone else..."

"There were no more us.. ...nothing but a past..."

I wanted to cry... I wanted to shout,,, I wanted to die. But as I opened the gate I heard her whispered with a sobbing voice...

"I love him for everything, from the sorrow and happiness... What ever the pain I have is not enough for a reason for me to give up... I let him go because I want to find myself... I let him go because he needs to learn to love me less... we cant be together not because we love each other less than the others... Ill cherish everything about who we are,,, its my pain and my strength so I can be better,,,"

The pain of letting go. and the pain of moving forward... its a cycle I couldnt understand... but the pain Im having isn't the pain of being hated, nor is it a feeling of being neglected or betrayed... a love that was real but lost is a memorry to remember, a pain that scars is a lesson i should learn to be better... I understand the pain Im having... It's the pain of having nothing but reality... the chase of being the best boyfriend I can be to her is gone, the fear of being a husband to her is done, to progress in my career to serve her better...to dream to go to placess... everything that gaved meaning to what i was doing is nothing but a past now... The pain im having isn't because of her... the pain i have is because i lost myself while holding on to hers...

there's no break up in a relationship that lived and died because of love...

i understand that now.

as I said my last words to her, as i listen to her last cry, as the sun rise up I found something... not a friend, not a meaning to what was... not even a clue of how she fall out of love, not destiny... not a happy ending... not a tragic end either.. i haven't found myself yet... but i found a very important part of it...

my reality.

Im not hopeless, im not hopeful, im not empty.. im not discourage... i haven't found my happiness, nor do I have a reason for sadness,,, I'm not alone, but Im not with anyone either, my simplest reality

"I am free"

My Short Stories Page 

Go Back To Main Page 

Chapter 3: The Butter Knife and Grass Rake

"I miss you too... I wish we could talk can I call you? -jeremy"

I can't hear anything. the rain havent stopped... the clapping sounds of the birds flying out of the rain...the buzzing sound of my cellphone... .... I can see them moving... but I can't feel anything... not even hear them...

"...."

am I feeling fear?





I starred at the phone... Its her 5th call now... why?... she knows i'm not Jeremy... why is she calling me?...

"Why?"

My hand started to move, I didn't have the energy to stop myself.. does my fear turned suddenly to curiosity? no... i dont think so... still nothing. even the fear I suddenly felt when I first saw my phone rang with her call...

why?...

I dont even who's this girl is... She doesn't even know who I am...

why?...

why did I felt the sudden catch of breath...

"i miss you..."

Her voice led a tear in my eyes... Its been a long time since I heard someone with this voice.... was It been 2 years now?.... I can still rememeber her voice... the first time we broke up.... the first time I heard her cried.... the first time I felt a pain inside of me.. cutting my soul... ripping my own sanity,,,,






I remember this pain....





...I remember this clearly...






but its not the same ..






not with what I have been feeling lately.






Her voice... It's not like what I imagine... angelic... sweet... innocent. I starred blankly at the sky... there was stilll some stars even with the heavy rain... I fool around with rain drops in the leaves while I listen to her seak...



I never opened my lips... not even in a blink of an eye did I opened It... I shut myself silence as I listen to her love story... as she confess her love towards jeremy....

"I can live a life without you loving me back... but i cant live a life knowing someday i have to let you go... we are meant to love each other... but we are not meant to be together... "
"I wanted you to see me when your eyes look at me... not just a girl who gave everything to a boy she always loved...

"I learned to love you more, but you thought me to love myself less..."


I stare at a distance, catching every confession she has... for the first time I wanted to speak to her... I wanted her to hear my voice...


Go Back To Chapter 2: Twin Scars
Go To Chapter 4: The Break Up ( Last Chapter )

Chapter 2: Twin Scars

The breakfast was nice, another pandesal dunked in a coffee while I watch the rain...




my headset is on. another song from the 90's... ...looks...fun...?



I never txted back...



I was staring at the number....



It's not from her...



I know.

"have I gone insane?"

.......

"I miss you"

.........

"I want to feel something..."

"please?"

"I feel so numb."

"Why can't I feel anything?"

"why? ... who are you? ...."

"....... "

There's a deep silence In our house,,, just me around. . .I can hear the echo of my tapping,

tap... tap... tap...

my mind will go from blank... to depression,

then blank...

...then silence...

then..... nothing.

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!

My eyes stare silently at the phone... another txt... from an anonymous sender... I just stare at my phone as I play around with the heavy raindrops in my hand. I dont feel anything... nothing... but i dont feel empty... not with my cellphone kept ringing... buzzing... moving... I feel like...





I have a stranger to accompany me with my confused feeling...





I took a stick in my hand, with my hand dripping wet from the rain i pushed read in my phone and blankly stared while it loads...





"Im sorry... I didnt mean to walk away from you... Jeremy? I miss you... I know We cant have what we had... I cant ask for us to be together again... "

silence...

"...nice..."

"...I'm not jeremy."

"...nice."

I don't want to be rude... but i cant helped but to crack a little laughter while i read the name "jeremy" .

Just my luck... another wrong sender. As I tried to think how can I say to her that she's txting a wrong person... another txt poped in my cell...


"I'm still inlove with you... But We are not meant to be... . you decided to be with your family... I need to decide to move along with my life... I didnt expect to miss you this much."



From deep emptiness I felt a small rock of anger in my blood... I hated girls like this... I hated men for putting their family in risk just to satisfy their pleasure... But I hated women more when they decide to be with a married guy...




I know what I will txt... I know what I want...

"I miss you too... I wish we could talk can I call you? -jeremy"

Go Back To Chapter 1" Smoking A Bad Habit

Go To Chapter 3: Butter Knife & a Grass Rake

Chapter 1: Smoking a bad habit

The silence of the midnight is a fearsome annotation of a past.

Every time I'm awake I can freely move forward with my life, but whenever I fell asleep my foots kept crawling back to my dimmed past...



same thoughts kept coming back....

"Is it enough?"

....I want to close my eyes without you looking back at me, I cant remember being satisfied with our little habitual dance, but there was an uncanny happiness...an uneasy feeling of happiness.



Its 3:30am in the morning when my body suddenly turned.



Silence in the air,,,

a cold whisper of thoughts... "I'm alone again...typical..."

I saw my cellphone vibrates under my sofa bed... "...shit" I silently whisper. a fear and excitement inside me are like knives cutting through my heart.





Did you text me... after 3 weeks of no communication?



after a month of waiting?



after the last promise you gave me....







I bravely held the phone and pressed the small circle in the middle to see what you wanted to say.

"3:30am WAKE UP ASSHOLE! TIME TO JOG!!"

It was just my alarm I made since the first time I held my new phone, I remember pointing out to you the "walk mate"program my new phone has, "haha I wont be alone every morning i wake up to run" you silently smile trying to look interested,,, I already have a concern about "us" since then.



I never run. I wanted too... but my feet too heavy, my legs feels so numb. I just wanted to wake up every time my phone rung.



that's all..

"stupid."

i told myself... for the last few weeks I kept tangling a web of hope of "us" to my needy soul... "I need to delete that stupid alarm" i silently scolded myself.





My brain... and my heart does not work well together. I'm smarter than what I have become... I know it. but my heart.... my heart is betraying my very soul. With all the quotes, with all the perceptions and perspective I kept posting in my facebook... i thought... If i read what my mind is thinking.... my heart would understand what I wanted to do.



"Emotero... Weirdo..."words that describes who I am now. I wish they know the feeling of pain...



Its not the same as a knife cut to your flesh,



its not the pain when a hot oil slowly spitted on your skin,,,



its not the pain when a person betrays you,,,




I wish I knew what this pain is... and what it meant....



I silently opened the front door of my unit and walk through the small hallway pass through our carport... I held a fliptop in my hand , slowly opening it with my trmbling hand.... ïts always cold in the morning" i murmured.



I silently smoked my thoughts of the past. If my brain dies so will my heart... as the chemicals in every puff kills the cells of my life....as i slowly enjoy the vague memorry slowly dissapearing....




Im not killing myself...



Im trying to set myself free from the shackles of my past....







then my cellphone rung... "another alarm"? I asked myself while ignoring it... I love how it vibrates in my hands... like an alive creature slowly dying in my hand... like a heart i have.. slowly loosing hope.... then it will just stop.



I turned the phone over to see what I listed for todays quest to live a lie of a fruitful life.... " such a hypocrite" I admitted.



I saw the small envelope in my screen and a message appeared.

"1 unread message"

I opened it and frozed....



I dropped the cigarette and checked if I read the message wrong...



It was a no name sender...



I recognized the number...



but It was not in my list...



with my confused joy i read it with my lips and whispered the words...

"I miss you..."

Go To Chapter 2: Twin Scars 

Footprints and a Rose

Chapter 1 - My Apathy Scar; A Bleeding Strength

   The dominating sky held earth in a distance where men can't reach no matter how far his arms stretches...

I read in one of the books I bought about how Einstein thoughts understood things other men didn't; finding every possible solution rather than sticking to one solution we concluded the best...

  Probability of some things...

   personal agenda...

ignorance...

 

curiosity...

pain? ...

boredom... 

liberty?

.....................

The night sky calms me... as I watch the clouds dances around the moon, thoughts of finding myself is a dinner of heart burns and headache... voices kept changing but they ask the same thing...

what are you doing?

  A closure of misfortune, distrust and disgusted beliefs, a momentum of anarchy, socialism and over rated exposure of what is happiness and what are satisfaction... what is beautiful and what are meaningful... dictated with the wind of stupidity and dependence, I relied on a joyous moments while living a lie... or so i thought.

  As the night sky dances around the moon and the stars, I walked around the paved ground of my daily bunt, barefooted I dragged my foot felting the hard knuckles of the soulful steps.. 

"how many have walked in this?"
"how many stories can you tell me?"
"how many tears of pain? how many tears of joys have you taken in you? "

 I stare at the ground as I asked this question in my head... My happiness isn't define by the smiles I made neither the laughter I took for granted... everything I did was all in the past,,, what my present isn't titled to judge my own action but will it dictate my future? 

....

I cut my foot while rubbing my sole to the ground, a piece of metal was stuck on it probably from an old guy's shave... I bleed with delight for somehow It felt right. Insanity in me is only a child... a mischievous matured portion of  myself is what I fear most... again... I'm hearing voices... ...again.... and again.... I'm hearing them asking...

What are you doing?

 I silently stepped away while I tip toed my way back to my office chair, few months ago I decided to make an office out of an old building my family owned.... the business here was slow and my uncle bought it but he has no idea what to do with it. but me... I wanted to own a business of designs, graphic and architectural  creation are my inspiration,, just like a smoking addiction, designing is a breath of fresh air for me... from the 5 day of work in an office of unquestioned discrepancy between life's responsibilities and life's meaningfulness. I needed some time alone with my flows and sanity, my insane depression and my uncanny weirdness...  

 I held my old charcoal and a piece of scratch paper of computations and drawing proposals I made weeks before and started scratching senseless doodle of lines and geometry... just like my life. Between my professional stagnant growth of corporate practice, and my desire to be who I am as I desired since I met liberty... senseless doodle are posted on the old storage walls, hiding all the cracks and bleached paints of laminated sheets....

"What are you doing?"

I asked myself...

 Failure doesn't hold meaning to me, but it is a shackle of bolted pins and metallic balls on my wrist and legs.

a  second paper and still messing around with a black and white sepia of disfigured creation... I wanted to learn art... but my friend told me, you need to understand emotions first.... emotions... pain and happiness? love and fear? trust and lies? emotions... 

.....

  I held a piece of cloth and poured alcohol in my hands... the cold wind is a breathing cold fire that burns my palm, i didn't noticed my cuts until the alcohol touched my skin... "must have been from the time I was cooking dinner"  I thought.

Pain... holds no meaning to what I want. But it is a cage that held my sorrow and satisfaction away from me.

what are you doing?

Stop. 

Stop!

.........................

Then Silence.... 

I can't hear the slow music...

Silence...

The broken faucet has stopped dripping

Silence...

... trapped...

....Caged...

My hand held slowly but tightly a piece of blade...


DON'T!


My eyes stared at the blurred reflection of my face...


"Who are you?"






no respond.



...silence...

then blood.

my sight started to dimmed ...

Silenced. 

Blinded. 

Wounded... 

The box that caged me... 

The whispering voices that held me.. 

...everything ....

gone.

nothing.

not a feeling.

nothing but my body moving again.

... I pushed my legs to stand and walked to the charcoal portraits I made.... I feel weak... and a little bit confused....

I smiled with that feeling... 

and smirked while I can feel my life running dry

I wonder what will flash back to me...

 a journey of regrets and failure...?

questions... 

can i still find an answer?

how does it feel to be wanted ..


how does it feel to be accepted?


how...


how...?


how.

  I dropped the blade and held my hand high on the paper walls... The voices in my head stopped. But I can feel their presence...

their whispering voices... 

silenced... 

but with an open eye they stared. My feet started moving... the blood are now spilling.... my eyes are shut. but my lips are smiling....

  In my last ounce of strength, I dragged my last writ.

A last vowed... 

a last promised....

a memory where I'm the only one that understand it's woth... 

I smiled....

Emotions?







I understand it.

  As I dropped on the solid knuckled floor, with my left wrist cut and my right hand held the damped cloth... I slowly opened my eyes and stared at the perforated roof of a self made office floor.


Held my left wrist and tied the cloth around it.

 The voices grew on a menacing souls that ripped me a part,

my happiness and sadness, 

my caged of undignified actions... 

my mistakes... 

my regrets... 

everything... 

written on a canvass of charcoaled paper wall... 

written above the black and white emphasis of my depression... 

my last writ of emotions.

A promise of a silent moving on, 

un obstructed emotion....

my apathy.

Enough.

Untrusted Devotion

   He craves for truth while she craves for freedom, happiness and satisfaction leads in different path from each other. She leads a strong demise in breaking rules and bending truths, while he set limits and dictates an army of one, she follows passion, while he watches her with admiration, she flies freely, while he is stock perfecting a box of ideology...

  Her actions speaks life, while his motions are limited... She found happiness in the sky... he found satisfaction on his cage.

  As she learned to fly higher, she broke her wings and left pieces of bleeding feathers,,, he noticed a broken life,,, as broken as he is. He cared for her... with his calloused hands he touched her, a free unwanted spirited life touched by a devoted empty soul.

  He learned happiness, he craved for joy, he left his cage and walked way from his satisfaction... he learned to walk, he learned to fly,, she watches him move freely as she heals her broken desires. She learned to imagine rather than to wonder, she learned to observe rather than to ponder, her broken wings with the scarred feathers.. are silently waiting, while she slowly fading,,,

  He learned insanity, she learned vanity, his devotion was lost, her trust have faded, he learned happiness but lost his satisfaction... she found understanding but lost her meaning...

  The sky is still blue,, the earth is still uncluttered. Time have learned not to wait, and day understood his need for night... the window of souls are sleeping,, but the two broken soul are still blindly walking... both lost... both desperately unspoken.

My Short Stories Page
Go Back To Main Page

A day in my life...

 Nothing much happen in my blog this past few days, been working on some stories I made to share. One of my friends told me that i write just like an author of the book she read... and she was a freaking journalist ( WOW! ) and she's hot if I may add... and yeah I heard she's also single. (yipeee). Oh well.. she said I write stories thats a bit dark,,, hmnnn never meant it to be like that... Just wanted to do some writing. But, I do appreciate it! cant say her name she might kill me. but if she agrees to do some profiling about her.. yeah men... hahaha anyway... I just brought  some furniture for our unit... Im hoping my mom will go to Hawaii early next year,,, cause.. im secretly changing the furniture here in our unit...

one... 

by... 

one... 

hahaha!! shhh!!!

  I was thinking about my another friend who asked me; If I have moved on....?

I honestly don't know...

Its like asking a man who had a delicate surgical procedure if his ribs or his lungs are completely heal...

ohhh wait let me open my scar and check... ohhh yeah its all healed now.. but i think im dying from bleeding...

:( 

hahaha just kidding. 

love you man. you know that! dont mind if i punched you. alright? haha

well.. I had my bed rest from the pain,,, going to stop being a baby and asking doctors to heal me,, im walking away from the hospital that cured me... and Im just  going to let the wound heal naturally just like all men... old school, just pour alcohol in the wound and scream or better yet.... cream!! your heart out from the pain. HAHAhAH!  take a sleep then go back tomorrow to work like nothing happend. haha!


  Im really enthusiastic about blogging, its like having a friend who doesn't scream back at you  and telling how weird I am. Been wanting to have a business on my own, earning and stuff? but i really think I'm getting the hang of this blogging thing, I only have few friends who has been following me.. which im really thankful for. So.. I think Ill stay atleast 6 months in this blogging and see if this will bore me to death... uhhhh Maybe ill blog it when Im down at hell... hmnn ill need to change my blog to hellgoneweirdo.blogspot.com (if this site exist.. please excuse me... im just typing whatever in my mind wants to write...)

  Anyway... I need to go to sm again to have my CPU fix.. again. been using laptop to renovate my blog.. but as all cad operator knows... laptop stinks!!! its all good cause you can carry it around.. but during editing photos and making your own computer aided drawings?.... desktop still rules! Laptop... STINKS!! still kinda cute... just like a baby... stingky and cutie. oh well gonna run now! wait for my story ha? and do please read my blog once in a while and i added a game and 2 chatroom and stuff at the bottom. just check it out... and please? if you can? kindly atleast visit some of the advertisement? i need to fix my brain and psychiatrist cost so much. hahaha! ^^