A Mind Of Thoughts

I met a clown inside my head, he was wearing this big black shoes and a red Pajamas and a fake smiley make up, he hide his eyes with his glasses of shame and a wear a weirdo hair painted in gray.

he sat smoking weed, while he lean his back at a broken wall painted with grafitti of dreams,

I walked around tracing his foot steps guiding my hands to the wall he crafted... one by one... word by word I read the writings...

"help..."

"I'm sorry..."

"help..."

"i need someone"

I found a doodle of a child hugging his mother... I saw a son holding the hand of his father... I saw a big brother sharing gift with a little child... I saw a parent, I saw a child, I saw a red smile... drawn in blood.





he didnt moved...

he stared blankly at his shined black shoes...

"what do you see?" he asked me...

" I see a broken man "

 "what do you feel?" he asked me again...

his eyes are blank, nothing in his mind...

"I feel a broken dream..."

 I then sat next to him. He politely offered me a stick of weed, which I gladly took...


I stare at his shoes and see the reflection of his face.


then,



I asked him

"why do you wear a smiling make up?"

he was silent for a while...


then he turned his face and looked at me straght in my eyes... then replied. "why do you hate?"

"because people hated me, played me... and ignored what I felt"

he pointed to the sky and waved his hands... he drew something in the smoke of weed I couldn't figure out... then he pulled a wet tissue and rubbed it in his face.


"Im just like you... broken. "

"im just like you... Ordinary"

"im just like you... Alone"

"but I'm not like you... I didn't hate."


he pointed to the sky again and drew... I stare at the motion of his fingers, rather than the dooddle smoke I couldn't catch...

he was trying to draw a shape of a heart...

"I learned to love, but I was played..."
"I learned to forgive but I was pushed too hard"
"I learned to hope... but I was ignored all the time..."
"I learned to cope up... So I can keep what I needed... but I forgot to protect WHY I needed them.."
"I kept what I needed... but I lost my heart in the process... what's left of me is the unchanging face... and a dead eye..."

"I have what I wanted, But I'm no longer who I was... "


"and I dont know anymore who I am."

"can you see me?.... can you recognized me?"

he turned his face in his shoes again and stare blankly at his doll face... I opened my mouth and blow some smoke out... open my palm and reached the sky... I then replied.

"I learned to hope, but I failed... I learned to loved but I was used... I learned to work hard... but I was manipulated... I learned to hate.. to protect myself... I lost someone special... and I lost my dreams... My passion is dead... and i have nothing left inside myself..."

" I am selfish, and I trust no one... is it so bad? ....nah... It doesn't matter if it is..."

"I kept my heart... and lost everything in return... why won't I hate? ... "


He offered me his last stick of weed, as he was slowly standing from where he sat... then he murmmered this words...


"nothing alive is real... nor are they fake... nothing will make sense... because everything is nothing... if you fear... then your fearing about nothing, and if you hate... then you are hating nothing.... there's nothing ... everything is white... everything is black... even blood... but my blood is red... is it?... it is... "

he cut the tip of his finger and started to doodle a heart shaped line in the wall...


"Im just like you... and so is the rest of the world... we are heartless... or we are hated. I wear a mask so I can hide my lost heart.... and you wear your hatred... cause you fear everything .... hahaha... you fear something that's already gone."


he puffed my last weed... and smiled... he told me everything about his family... and I told him about my dreams... we talked for hours... and hours... and hours... then he sat again and stared at his shoes... I stood up and walked away...

"nothing...."

"do i hate? ...out of nothing?... do I hate... cause I fear everything in my past?"

I looked at my shoes... as I kept walking....

Go Back To My Short Stories

alang magawa

lalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalaallalaalla

last letter

hope's everything went well. you havent visited your friendster,,, and havent deleted our pics... somehow it made me glad... sorry i did found out that your already married. oct 1? with ramil... dunno if it was just a joke... but did hurted me pretty badly. anyway hinde naman yun yung gs2 kong sabhin... few hours from now and it will be your birthday.. sabe nila its lucky daw. 10.10.10 my cousin gonna get married on that day pala. and my mom's living next march, me? I just brought ton of stuff with what I was trying to save for us dati, been enjoying photography, was able to buy a dslr camera pero nikon D3000 lang, wanted the new released the d90... pero it was too much for my budget... been spending time going out to restaurant I wanted to take you before... but was not able to do cause of the money I was really trying to crawl up for the near future, i guessed i planned it too much... was able to use some of the money to fixed my room... and have some capital to push the baking hobby im profiting every year... si ate Liza, yung kapitbahay namen before sa letter B? yung umalis dahil nakabili ng lupa? bumalik sila.. pero asa unit D na sila ngayun, and i was able to convinced her to be my partner... yungd ating anak nya is already 16 years old... wow.. ang bilis ng oras,,,




para kong tanga... nakkipagusap sa email mo... haha its the only way i can say this things without getting scared or pissed off or desperate, somehow the time stopped in this account you never visited. I'm keeping a blog pala... somehow it releases my thoughts... im actually pretty mad at you... and the rest of the female blood... before I can easilt respect them... right now... i really feel we are all equal na... honestly.. I dont owe them anything... they deserve anything the world will give to them... may it be happiness or sadness... I shouldn't care na lang.



wow... i never thought we will be another what if... haha i never thought we will be another past... anyway.. like you said. if you meet new people... they inspires you to change... i guess i did change... I never thought I can hate this much. . .



I dont hate you... but i know i feel like hating every women i see.. haha i rmemeber before lage akong tumatayu sa LRT whenever may makita akong babae, even thou pagod na ako, i wont mind... ill happily stand... but right now... honestly,,, i can look at them in the eye and just sit there... well except talaga if i see that they are on a worst possible condition... im not heartless...



feels really weird hating women this match. doesn't even feels right.



sooner or later.. ill probably find a new girlfriend... still hoping somehow, but right now, I really dont have anything Im inspired on doing... just crossing out some checklist of things I wanted to make... hope ill pass my board exam next year so I can cross that off my list, still need to loose a lot of weight... oh yeah... I should get my license and visa&passport ready.



4 years... :) I guess what we had was nt that much to you...



I thought it was worth protecting rather than my dreams... haha i guess it was'nt, I cant even feel it anymore... the passion of having a dream... neither the anticipation of succeeding a plan.. I guess this is good to. my mom said in 5 years time... my green card will be given to me. ill start a new life after 5 years. . . right now. ill try to patch things up.



2 hours and 30 minutes... your going to have the luckiest birthday of your life. . . :) hahaha and I'm not part of it . We never had a chance to properly end our past... i guess this last letter will be mine.



I wont visit this site for awhile... next time I visit...



I hope we would be able to just talk... until this memorry fades... I dont think I could..



happy birthday kim.





i miss you







i love you...



bye...

A hole and a Well

run...

run away...

run away...

a neglected dog barking its feelings toward an unfamiliar face....

BANG!!

a wood slammed to the dogs mouth....


breaking his jaw...


throwing him off his four feet...


bleeding in his mouth that he cannot close anymore...


his tongue loose off his mouth... dripping off the bloody spit of life he has left...


he struggled to stand....

he pushes to be stronger...


he stared to whats left of the world he can only see..

crying his eyes out so he can speak out what he wanted to say...

with his broken jaw... and a lifeless tongue he shouted a loud cry...


but the only sound left was the air coming out of his lungs...

through his neck... out of his mouth...


again he cried for the pain ...


again he cried for hope...


again he tried to shout...

BANG!!

another hit from a unfamiliar man...


now with his feet....

BANG!!

now with his body...



again.. he cried,,,



again... he tried...

in his last cry... he stare at the face of the man...




an eye with nothing but his own desire...
an eye who is passionate for his own happiness...
an eye who is willing to sacrifice anything for his own...
an eye that blames everything around him except himself...

nothing...

A split of reality: A broken Love and a fixed heart

I was looking for a textile I brought few months ago which I wanted to use for my packaging on my business...



Clothes everywhere... old toys I kept for souvenirs... and a big plastic box were I kepy my magazines (not the dirty magzine of course... I have it all in CD... hahahah), and yeah this was like 2004 2005 magazines I found interesting when I was still back in college, together with this pile of interest I found this big card , , ,

I was excited to know who it was from... then I saw the word..

 "hon"

...oh...

my 2nd girlfriend..

my second girlfriend was an accident romance just like my 4th and previous ex girlfriend... I never intended to court nor even asked them out... It was a will of interest in my part, I didnt know what my 4th gf looked like and the photo of my 2nd girlfriend .. ehhhh i find her a bit... hmnnn manly. hahaha she really have a box shaped head with a cute little chin. I really find her face cute and hilarious...

I was looking inside the yellow pastic bag where the big card was and found a piece of paper with my writing on it saying how much I love her... and a small sketch photo which I rememebr getting when we were in some fair... It was funny though our faced was so young and there still some hint of naiveness and confusion in our eyes..

I'm wondering.. how does it felt when I was too innoccent to know what it means to be in-love...

I remember how we met... We accidently found each other over the net just chatting of course... and I rememebr getting an arguement from her which lead to a movie called "a walk to remember" It is actually my first movie where in I brought the original copy... instead of the pirated. That's when she said she never had the chance to watch it...

our arguement I think was because she was never fond of eye balls... and fixed dated or something related to strangers meeting other strangers... then we talk...

and talk...

and talk...

then the movie...

The cinema release of course already ended. So I can't possibly asked her out with that excuse... that's when I found me saying...

"ok I'll lend you my CD just bring it back to me in one piece"

maybe she forgoten that we haven't really met... and she aswered..

"cge"...

I remmeber she messaged me back again in a split seconds saying she take it back... she doesn't want to meet me... I was laughing so hard cause I know she realized we don't know each other personally...

I forced her to meet me saying that she's obligated, it was a legal agreement blah blah blah... then we decided to meet over robinson's place, I kept calling her "ate" cause she was ahead of me for a year... so i jsut kept txting her

 "ate asan ka na ba"

Then I saw her... wearing jean and a top of white and light blue blouse..., she was wearing her hair straight down, all shiny black... flatly delicate framing her cute face... she has this small amount of blush on that show off her expressive smile...

wow.....

as I read through the letter she gaved me, I can only smile and rememebr how it felt like... I hope i was man enough back then to face her feelings... I hope I managed to love her with all of my heart even thou we didnt last...

her words back then...

her feelings...

everything is sealed by time for it to be forever... we didnt last for a life time... but the feelings of the past will always remain forever.

I talked to her about 2 months ago... catching up. not really talking about the past...

she was in love with a new guy. and I'm happy for her.

can't wait to find that feeling again.

I'm excited.



Asian Flavor: Batangas City

I need to say I love the ambiance of this restaurant... from the decor and sounds that they pick.. It was pretty relaxing... and the pricing isn't really that much... :) really affordable.

 

 Starter

Tokiyami??...ata...

Really wished I was taking notes when they were serving the food.. but I'm sure we didn't order this... tasted like tokiyami, haha, maybe it was the appetizer of the dish we ordered..  Loved the soft but very intact texture and the flavor... really tasted like tokiyami... I promise.

Boneless Bangus (not the dish name)

hmnn... taste great!.. im not that fond with the texture thou.. I love my fish to be really thick. and have a crispy skin when served... I really couldn't taste much of the fish meat cause of the awesome sauce.

Beef ....something..

GRR! hate misou soup... wherever It is served... I hate it's taste... hate its texture.. I hate its smell! ... uhh but the chunky beef slices of this dish was awesome... It's no Holy Cow dish but yeah.. it is juicy, tender... and... man.. love the flavor... not to fond of the side dish except for the salad strips... I'm not sre what those violet thing was,,, but It sure wasn't for my mouth... I couldn't even swallow it... really... tasted.... weird...

BULALO!! (beef bone marrow soup)

YEAH!!! AWESOME!! love the broth.. with chunk's of the bone marrow YUM!!! hey... whoever enter this restaurant and didn't order this soup?.... your crazy! hmnnn have it while it's really hot.. the marrow really literally melts in your tongue. :) the vegestables... YUM!! still crispy fresh!!

Carrot Shake

uhhmnn. what? I like carrot shakes....

Crispy Pata! ( Mr. Heart Stopper )

Aside from the lovely "bulalo" this dish can never.. I mean never be left out! It's crispy sweet! every inch of this dish is worth finger licking awesssomeee!

NOTE: be sure you have a very healthy driver when your going here,,, this dish is really a heart stopper. not allowed for 50 and above. hahaha!

Strawberry Rippled ( second comeback )

This photos was actually taken in two different time... :) the first day was the carrot shake and the second day I took the strawberry rippled.. I was a bit curious how it tasted like... well... It taste like strawberry shake... only... thicker.

Tempura ( king prawns )

noting really special about this... huge prawns deep fried... hmnnn problem with this dish... is that they left the tail in tact... but deep fried it together with the body... i dunno... that's not the way I cook my tempura.. I always make sure I have the clean tail out... not marinate no flour on it.. just clean cooked or steamed.. tail.

If your going to batangas. Check out Lima Park Hotel ask for the Asian Flavor, It is located along the area of the hotel's pool. :):)

Chef Wong

Sunday.. Got nothing to do..

so my friend and I went to SM san lazaro to hang out, we saw this fast food chain, some what like chowking so I decided to settle in this spot, nothing really that interesting about the food, I still think Flavor of China still knocks more flavors... but, it's not that bad either... loved the chicken feet... hehe I really love street foods or anything related to that. :):)

I cant say much about this fast food nor the food, nothing really that interesting, just wanted to post the pictures I took.

HAHA!

yeah I'm a stupid blogger... I even forgot to take the names of the food we ordered.

:P

Oh well I'll Make up some name. and I'll try to rememeber the taste... If I can..

Beef Siomai

hmnnn... well it was really beefy.. I really wish there were more heat...

uhmnn grilled chicken???

sorry... she's the one who ate that... can't remember the taste...

well the chicken was juicy...

 

Sweet and Sour Pork

even when I was still eating in chowking... This is always my first choice.. If I see a restaurant or a dine in with this in the menu?.... yeah,,, No more arguements. I'll have that please!

 except...

If there is a "pusit" ... specially if it is grilled... man...

can I have both?!

 

we'll... nothing realy special. the vegestables were served in chunks. I'm missing the taste of red and green pepper which I really enjoy eating together with pineapples.. then a white rice... then the pork with that thick sauce...

it was a dissapointment actually... oh well... it is their recipe after all...

Fried Rice?!?

yawn.... again...


YAWNNNNNN!!

ADIDASS!!! Paa ng Manok!!

Hahaha I really dont care about how it taste.. cause I was eating it with so many spices that I couldnt feel my tongue anymore... yeah. thats streets food lover for you.. jamb me with a lot of dip sauce and add lotsa garlic and spices!!! yeah.. the bone was tender with a little crunch.. I can remember some flavor when I was devouring it and sipping the bones? I just cant pin point It.. hahaha! yeah... wished they were serving Isaw... that would really be nice together with one san mig light.