he sat smoking weed, while he lean his back at a broken wall painted with grafitti of dreams,
I walked around tracing his foot steps guiding my hands to the wall he crafted... one by one... word by word I read the writings...
"help..."
"I'm sorry..."
"help..."
"i need someone"
I found a doodle of a child hugging his mother... I saw a son holding the hand of his father... I saw a big brother sharing gift with a little child... I saw a parent, I saw a child, I saw a red smile... drawn in blood.
he didnt moved...
he stared blankly at his shined black shoes...
"what do you see?" he asked me...
" I see a broken man "
"what do you feel?" he asked me again...
his eyes are blank, nothing in his mind...
"I feel a broken dream..."
I then sat next to him. He politely offered me a stick of weed, which I gladly took...
I stare at his shoes and see the reflection of his face.
then,
I asked him
"why do you wear a smiling make up?"
he was silent for a while...
then he turned his face and looked at me straght in my eyes... then replied. "why do you hate?"
"because people hated me, played me... and ignored what I felt"
he pointed to the sky and waved his hands... he drew something in the smoke of weed I couldn't figure out... then he pulled a wet tissue and rubbed it in his face.
"Im just like you... broken. "
"im just like you... Ordinary"
"im just like you... Alone"
"but I'm not like you... I didn't hate."
he pointed to the sky again and drew... I stare at the motion of his fingers, rather than the dooddle smoke I couldn't catch...
he was trying to draw a shape of a heart...
"I learned to love, but I was played..."
"I learned to forgive but I was pushed too hard"
"I learned to hope... but I was ignored all the time..."
"I learned to cope up... So I can keep what I needed... but I forgot to protect WHY I needed them.."
"I kept what I needed... but I lost my heart in the process... what's left of me is the unchanging face... and a dead eye..."
"I have what I wanted, But I'm no longer who I was... "
"and I dont know anymore who I am."
"can you see me?.... can you recognized me?"
he turned his face in his shoes again and stare blankly at his doll face... I opened my mouth and blow some smoke out... open my palm and reached the sky... I then replied.
"I learned to hope, but I failed... I learned to loved but I was used... I learned to work hard... but I was manipulated... I learned to hate.. to protect myself... I lost someone special... and I lost my dreams... My passion is dead... and i have nothing left inside myself..."
" I am selfish, and I trust no one... is it so bad? ....nah... It doesn't matter if it is..."
"I kept my heart... and lost everything in return... why won't I hate? ... "
He offered me his last stick of weed, as he was slowly standing from where he sat... then he murmmered this words...
"nothing alive is real... nor are they fake... nothing will make sense... because everything is nothing... if you fear... then your fearing about nothing, and if you hate... then you are hating nothing.... there's nothing ... everything is white... everything is black... even blood... but my blood is red... is it?... it is... "
he cut the tip of his finger and started to doodle a heart shaped line in the wall...
"Im just like you... and so is the rest of the world... we are heartless... or we are hated. I wear a mask so I can hide my lost heart.... and you wear your hatred... cause you fear everything .... hahaha... you fear something that's already gone."
he puffed my last weed... and smiled... he told me everything about his family... and I told him about my dreams... we talked for hours... and hours... and hours... then he sat again and stared at his shoes... I stood up and walked away...
"nothing...."
"do i hate? ...out of nothing?... do I hate... cause I fear everything in my past?"
I looked at my shoes... as I kept walking....
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